Case Study: From ADHD Overwhelm and People-Pleasing to Self-Trust and Boundaries

​

Client: K.
Context: Adult ADHD diagnosis, family and relational stress, low self-worth
Focus Areas: Emotional regulation, boundaries, values, communication, self-leadership

​

Background

When K. came to coaching, she had recently received an ADHD diagnosis and was struggling with low self-worth, emotional overwhelm, and a strong desire to “get some order” in her life. She described a long-standing pattern of people-pleasing, guilt, and feeling responsible for managing other people’s emotional states — particularly within her family.

​

K. was clear about what she didn’t want: she wasn’t looking to endlessly analyse her childhood or “navel-gaze” about past damage.

 

She wanted practical understanding, clear frameworks, and tools she could actually use day to day.

​

Coaching Approach

 

Laura’s approach focused on translating K.’s lived experience into clear, structured insight — helping her make sense of ADHD traits, emotional overload, and relational patterns without pathologising them.

 

Key elements included:

• Turning diffuse, repetitive, emotionally charged narratives into coherent, grounded understanding

• Using specific, practical exercises rather than abstract reflection

• Teaching nervous-system-aware tools for boundaries, communication, and regulation

• Exploring values alignment and the impact of value conflict on self-criticism

• Introducing visual metaphors to support relational clarity and reduce guilt

 

Key Interventions

 

Two tools were particularly transformative:

 

1. The Traffic Light Boundaries Exercise

 

K. used a red–amber–green framework to map expectations between herself and her daughter:

• What was reasonable

• What needed negotiation

• What was unacceptable

​

This allowed her to step out of emotional loops, recognise where guilt and manipulation (unintentional on all sides) were occurring, and respond from clarity rather than reactivity.

It also helped K. assess her own behaviour more fairly — recognising where she was already acting reasonably instead of constantly self-blaming.

 

2. The “Path” Metaphor

 

A visual model of each person being on their own path — including K., her children, and her husband.

This helped K. understand why she felt overwhelmed and “out of control”:
she had been trying to walk on everyone else’s path at once.

 

Learning that:

• connection doesn’t require merging

• love doesn’t require guilt

• boundaries don’t equal abandonment
  
  was a major shift — not only for K., but in how she could explain herself to her family.

 

Outcomes & Shifts

 

By the end of the coaching process, K. reported:

• A significant reduction in people-pleasing and guilt

• Increased self-compassion and less harsh self-criticism

• Greater confidence in setting and holding boundaries

• A clearer understanding of her ADHD traits as neutral or even positive, rather than flaws

• Relief in recognising that her values were valid — even when they didn’t align with her family’s

• Improved communication through understanding love languages and emotional styles

 

K. created her own condensed “toolkit” — a one-page set of reminders and phrases she continues to return to when old patterns resurface.

 

Client Reflection

 

K. described the coaching as challenging, illuminating, and strengthening.

 

She noted that while she still occasionally falls into old habits, the difference is that she now:

• recognises them sooner

• responds more kindly

• and has tools to return to herself

 

Importantly, she emphasised that the work helped her stop seeing herself as “wrong” — and start giving herself credit for her strengths.

 

Summary

 

This case highlights how ADHD-informed, nervous-system-aware coaching can support adults to:

• move from confusion → clarity

• guilt → self-respect

• reactivity → self-leadership

 

Not by “fixing” who they are — but by understanding their wiring and designing life around it.